What Nobody Tells You About Muslim Marriage
Our first year nearly ended because of household chores. What saved us was an imam who understood listening instead of lecturing.
It sounds absurd. It was absurd. But the household chores was never really about cooking.
Aisha's mother-in-law had a Sunday cooking tradition. When we married, the expectation was that I would continue the tradition. When I did things differently, the WhatsApp complaints started.
What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling. He made us list every unspoken expectation. Aisha's list was 13 items long. Mine was 26. We'd married each other but expected to live in our parents' marriages.
The Quran says spouses are garments for one another — they cover, protect, and complement. We weren't garments. We were polite acquaintances.
It took two years of honest, painful conversations. Of learning that compromise doesn't mean surrender. Of understanding that my Moroccan traditions and Nigerian traditions could coexist in the same kitchen.
We've been married 9 years now. We alternate Eids between families. We still disagree about the thermostat. But we do the dishes together.
Nobody tells you that marriage isn't about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. Every single day. Over and over. With patience, with prayer, and occasionally with raised voices that eventually soften into laughter.