What Nobody Tells You About Muslim Marriage
Our first year nearly ended because of the wedding guest list. What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling.
It sounds absurd. It was absurd. But the the wedding guest list was never really about preferences.
Yusuf's father-in-law had a weekly family dinner. When we married, the expectation was that I would continue the tradition. When I did things differently, the WhatsApp complaints started.
What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling. He made us list every unspoken expectation. Yusuf's list was 18 items long. Mine was 19. We'd married each other but expected to live in our parents' marriages.
The Quran says spouses are garments for one another — they cover, protect, and complement. We weren't garments. We were polite acquaintances.
It took a year of honest, painful conversations. Of learning that compromise doesn't mean surrender. Of understanding that my Egyptian traditions and Nigerian traditions could coexist in the same kitchen.
We've been married 8 years now. His mother brings her biryani. I make my koshari. We still disagree about the thermostat. But we do the dishes together.
Nobody tells you that marriage isn't about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. Every single day. Over and over. With patience, with prayer, and occasionally with raised voices that eventually soften into laughter.