What Nobody Tells You About Muslim Marriage
Our first year nearly ended because of whose family to visit for Eid. What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling.
It sounds absurd. It was absurd. But the whose family to visit for Eid was never really about money.
Hassan's mother-in-law had a specific way of running the household. When we married, the expectation was that I would follow the same routine. When I did things differently, the passive aggression began.
What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling. He made us list every unspoken expectation. Hassan's list was 20 items long. Mine was 19. We'd married each other but expected to live in our parents' marriages.
The Quran says spouses are garments for one another — they cover, protect, and complement. We weren't garments. We were polite acquaintances.
It took eighteen months of honest, painful conversations. Of learning that compromise doesn't mean surrender. Of understanding that my Turkish traditions and American traditions could coexist in the same kitchen.
We've been married 6 years now. We laugh about it now. We still disagree about whose family is more dramatic. But we do the dishes together.
Nobody tells you that marriage isn't about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. Every single day. Over and over. With patience, with prayer, and occasionally with raised voices that eventually soften into laughter.