What Nobody Tells You About Muslim Marriage
Our first year nearly ended because of the mahr amount. What saved us was an imam who understood setting boundaries.
It sounds absurd. It was absurd. But the the mahr amount was never really about food.
Mariam's mother-in-law had a specific way of running the household. When we married, the expectation was that I would prioritise their family. When I did things differently, the WhatsApp complaints started.
What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling. He made us list every unspoken expectation. Mariam's list was 21 items long. Mine was 26. We'd married each other but expected to live in our parents' marriages.
The Quran says spouses are garments for one another — they cover, protect, and complement. We weren't garments. We were roommates with a marriage certificate.
It took six months of honest, painful conversations. Of learning that compromise doesn't mean surrender. Of understanding that my Egyptian traditions and British traditions could coexist in the same kitchen.
We've been married 14 years now. We found our own rhythm. We still disagree about whose family is more dramatic. But we do the dishes together.
Nobody tells you that marriage isn't about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. Every single day. Over and over. With patience, with prayer, and occasionally with raised voices that eventually soften into laughter.