What Nobody Tells You About Muslim Marriage
Our first year nearly ended because of the wedding guest list. What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling.
It sounds absurd. It was absurd. But the the wedding guest list was never really about preferences.
Ahmed's father-in-law had a specific way of running the household. When we married, the expectation was that I would prioritise their family. When I did things differently, things went cold.
What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling. He made us list every unspoken expectation. Ahmed's list was 18 items long. Mine was 24. We'd married each other but expected to live in our parents' marriages.
The Quran says spouses are garments for one another — they cover, protect, and complement. We weren't garments. We were roommates with a marriage certificate.
It took a year of honest, painful conversations. Of learning that compromise doesn't mean surrender. Of understanding that my Arab traditions and Egyptian traditions could coexist in the same kitchen.
We've been married 6 years now. We alternate Eids between families. We still disagree about whose mother's cooking is better. But we do the dishes together.
Nobody tells you that marriage isn't about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. Every single day. Over and over. With patience, with prayer, and occasionally with raised voices that eventually soften into laughter.