What Nobody Tells You About Muslim Marriage
Our first year nearly ended because of the wedding guest list. What saved us was an imam who understood listening instead of lecturing.
It sounds absurd. It was absurd. But the the wedding guest list was never really about preferences.
Hassan's father-in-law had a specific way of running the household. When we married, the expectation was that I would continue the tradition. When I did things differently, things went cold.
What saved us was an imam who understood marriage counselling. He made us list every unspoken expectation. Hassan's list was 22 items long. Mine was 28. We'd married each other but expected to live in our parents' marriages.
The Quran says spouses are garments for one another — they cover, protect, and complement. We weren't garments. We were polite acquaintances.
It took eighteen months of honest, painful conversations. Of learning that compromise doesn't mean surrender. Of understanding that my Moroccan traditions and British traditions could coexist in the same kitchen.
We've been married 14 years now. We found our own rhythm. We still disagree about the thermostat. But we do the dishes together.
Nobody tells you that marriage isn't about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. Every single day. Over and over. With patience, with prayer, and occasionally with raised voices that eventually soften into laughter.